A short experiment for Birds of the Iron Curtain


#1

I made a short trial scene with a premade character.This is mainly to experiment with features and
writing style.I am using a premade character because I am struggling with the stats system.

Here is the link:https://dashingdon.com/play/writer42/birds-of-the-iron-curtain-short-trial/mygame/index.php?cb=81575


#2

It was very good. It is nice to see the other side of major conflicts, normally we see stories from the sides that won (in this case, NATO).


#3

Oh, yes! I’ll fully read it once I’m on stable connection.

Mig 23… I’m giggling like a little boy :two_hearts:


#4

Writing is fluent enough to make someone like me (who hasn’t got any interest in airplanes or the whole genre of it :slight_smile: )read it without boredom.

I can give a low level feedback though. A space after a dot or a coma is used generally by most writers to make it more easier to read. So i would suggest a space after starting a new sentence but it’s of course up to your liking.


#5

Short but rather enjoyable demo so far, I like what you did with it! Your writing is very good.

A few suggestions:
I was slightly surprised to see F-5s escorting bombers and squadron leader telling us they “posed a serious threat”. It’d be a target practice to face F-5 for any fighter with radar missiles. Maybe change it to a Tornado GR1 or Phantom II?
Flogger used R-24, not R-27 - it’s Flankers and Fulcrums main mid range radar-guided armament.
Did Tomcat fire AIM-54 at fulcrum? You could use this as his ultimate weapon, I think. When a bad guy can shoot you down from a large distance and your RWR keeps silent until the hunk of metal flying at you goes pitbull.
Distance in aviation is measured in nautical miles (or just miles). Airspeed - in knots. Warsaw pact used metric, not sure if anyone would care about that though :slight_smile:
You’ve used male surname form for Nadia, it needs an “a” at the end: Sabinkova.

I’m looking forward to seeing more of this WIP.


#6

This topic was automatically closed 91 days after the last reply. If you want to reopen your WiP, contact the moderators.