A Prophecy Undone (WIP) (10/May: new scene added, 90k words)

I am absolutely going inigo montoya route and killing the Hand. Then our waste of an uncle along with our cousin.

I played a princess and acceptd Ateus offer immediately. Desmond is the only one who will make it alive. Ingvard is…on thin ice, fellows doesn’t make himself very attaching must say. I even replayed to take the shrug options rather then the kind one. So yeah, Blade I will keep an eyes out for and kill if necessary.

I decided to play the polite and diplomatic kind. So yes, my MC will wear red if it’s a social convention. But will we be able to guess if the Hand isn’t just setting us up ? I don’t trust them at all and neither does my MC. So she would make sure they weren’t setting a trap for her or trying to make her look crazy.

I admit the roll systems is unfamilliar to me and a bit frustrating. I prefer when my MC success is not left too much to chance. At least not with our current stats. Will there be a way to increases them at least ?

Wow playing as the Ice queen.We might have a second hand in the making.

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Trust me, my MC will make sure to be so much worse then the Hand that the next one will be called not a fingers but a nail, for she won’t allow royal powers to sleep away like that again.

I like that “Ice Queen” title very much and be sure it will be made to also refer to my future invasion of Sútfolk. :smiley:

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All the best with your revenge. :grin:

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Okey! I loved this! I just Loveee enemy to lovers! Cant wait to romance the hand! Wait for me Lysander :heart_eyes: I can fix him! He did no wrong :face_holding_back_tears:

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are-you-joking-bd515dd74b

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@Clary_Fray It’s interesting that you phrase it that way, considering there is a sigil named Timewarp

@Julasu Your analysis is very on spot! And you are right, L was not expecting MC there. Hmm you actually raise some valid points about the possible mindsets that MC could have, and maybe I should them as add some as flavour choices. Admittedly, the current MC choices do lean towards the ruthless side.

@idonotlikeusernames I like how your MC thinks. Trust not the higher beings but himself! It is a difficult but very commendable path to walk. Actually marrying the northern heir is not required to gain the throne, but if your MC is not interested in the throne entirely this would not matter. There are also several endings I prepared for a non power-hungry MC, but in alpha draft I would probably only implement 1 - 2 endings. (More will be added later)

@Asterya1 Interesting. In my notes, there is a line that MC can say when they finally kill the Hand: “You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

But will we be able to guess if the Hand isn’t just setting us up ?

In my current plan, no, but I might add it once I finished the alpha draft.

I prefer when my MC success is not left too much to chance. At least not with our current stats. Will there be a way to increases them at least ?

It’s a valid concern. I will add an option to enable a system that disables rolls but still has meaningful stat check (not too hard and not too easy). But for now I don’t have any clue - I am terribly bad at setting the bar for each check.

As for the stat increase, my current design is to do it via alliance with gods/ getting some magic items later down the line/ buff sigils (that D can cast on you when they are in your party).

@rafsan Hey, Ice Queen is a really fitting title! making notes to add it into the pool of future monikers that MC can have

@GloriaRose A fellow enemies-to-lovers enjoyer!

L: I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.
MC: I know this and I love you.

@Cingulum_diaboli Well, they said love’s blind … but when the truth behind L’s actions is out, I’ll let readers decide if they are in the wrong or not. Probably many will, but that just means I did a decent job in creating an antagonist! Or they don’t, then there is some delicious enemies-to-friends-optionally-lovers content to enjoy.

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oh, you can romance your father’s killer? :heart_eyes: that’s so messy… i love it.

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I am curious, does Ingvar/Ingvild, the hired sword, believe in Mc’s version of the story ? Or they avoid this topic, because even they cant really agree with Mc ?

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@charger The allure of enemies-to-lovers trope is partly due to the … messiness, at least in my opinion :wink:

@Julasu If the Blade is not MC’s friend, then they have no opinion on this matter, given that they are generally not interested in all the conflicts and politics. But if the Blade ends up being a friend, then MC will get a chance to talk about it and the Blade will side with MC.

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OK, just a small update to disable dice rolls entirely. A rather elegant solution struck me - hopefully it works!

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Ah, I see. That means having 10 is the only way to pass rolling 10 :+1:
By the way, how are you planning to use Fortitude and Willpower checks? These are very similar words, and both can mean ‘strength of mind’. Perhaps ‘Fortitude’ could be called ‘Stamina’ instead if it refers to how hardy MC’s body is?

Typos, Grammar etc
OP post

A Prophecy Undone is set in a world named Iomarion, where two nations, Istegar and Sútfold, were locked in a never-ending war against each other.

‘Were’ or still are? From the demo I got the impression that’s still the case.

Previously a Northman, the sellsword fled south after they defected from the Wolfpacks of Ulfric. You found them when they were homeless and starving, and made them your blade. They would serve you faithfully as long as you kept the coins flowing.

Would and kept is past tense and Ingvar/Ingvild serves MC and will serve them in the near future. “They will serve you faithfully as long as you keep the coins flowing”
Also, since Blade is a title (I assume) it should be capitalized.

Your father’s killer was no longer the young person they once were, but time only made them an even more dangerous foe. Now at the height of their power, no one - sometimes not even the king himself - dared to say no to their request.

Dares instead of dared (past tense).

The Speaker of Ateus was said to have high hopes of becoming the next Lightbearer. Kind and compassionate, they had many friends among the commoners, but their unwillingness to please the nobles made them unpopular in upper circles.

Also past tense, is Desmond no longer a candidate for the Lightbearer at the start of the story? Did they lose their commoner friends? If not, it might be better to use the present tense.

The game

image
*Nights after night


looked at, and the ‘with interest’ should be after ‘at his Hand’

image

image

coffers (plural), as there should be more than one


Blade
also the same tense issues as in OP


another title, it should be capitlized



It’s usually called ‘oak table’, it’s not technically incorrect though.


was

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Falling in love with my father’s killer? Sign me up. I know no shame.

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Thanks a lot for the list!

To be honest, I am having a bit of trouble deciding the tenses for the summary and character intro, because the entire story is considered “already happened” in another world, so I tend to use past tense for most of the part. But you are probably right - I’ll edit accordingly.

As for the checks - fortitude functions more like endurance, and willpower is like wisdom and perception combined. I understand that they might be the cause of some confusion, and I’m open to changing the words.

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Welcome, my sibling in degeneracy good taste!

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May the dread wolf take both of you! :shushing_face::face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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On the next update please let MC hug Ing :face_holding_back_tears:

Summary

“Oh, oh ho,” the short one grinned, revealing a row of yellow teeth. “Isn’t that the mad prince’s mutt?”

Should be princess
Oh, and you can cheat the dice roll going to the stats page and back. I wanted to check what skill was tested with the sigil I choose and going back to the page it re-rolled the check.

Prince Alayla,” he bowed. You spotted blue veins in the dark circles under his eyes, and he seemed to grow a few more white hair overnight.

Should be princess

Emil is with my father’s killer, you thought, suddenly afraid. “No, Lysander killed him,” you insisted, voice breaking. “I saw it. She played all of you. Kill him, Ser Roderick. Make him pay for my father’s death!”

"My princess … " Roderick hesitated. Hope swelled in your chest.

“Please, Ser Roderick. I saw it. Believe me!”

Your heart sank the moment Emil shook his head. “Niece. Lysander is - was my brother’s friend. She could not have killed him. Perhaps you saw him with the body, but it did not mean he is the killer.”

“No!” You thrashed around. “No! Not true! Lysander killed him with a spell and a dagger!”

Your uncle sighed. “Let’s get the young prince to a healer. Her mind is broken with grief.”

Should be he and princess

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Thanks a lot for pointing these mistakes out! Should be fixed.

MC’ll eventually get to hug them, don’t worry. But maybe not the next update XD

oh, and you can cheat the dice roll going to the stats page and back. I wanted to check what skill was tested with the sigil I choose and going back to the page it re-rolled the check.

Yeah, I noticed that. But I think’s something to do with the programming language and I don’t have a way to fix it.

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For anyone who is interested, you can view the draft look (?) of ROs here. Admittedly there are lots of missing details, but these are pictures I provided as references to my artist.

Artbreeder Images

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Hmm, Lysandra reminds me of Kaya Scodelario.