I’ve fallen in love with this story. The characters are awesome, and I absolutely love how sweet some memories can be - which will just make the MC’s certain and impending death so much more painful.
I’m looking forward to having my heart broken ಥ‿ಥ
17 Likes
This. I’m completely invested in to this, very fascinating, and yes, I’m prepared to give them a shock of their life >:3. Oh man… that campaign really tore into meee, I think I’ve found my prefereable skill combination. Loving the work and take care!
Also I’m a bit curious, if Leon is the Lion, Saine the Shadow, Illya the Heart of the White Fangs, what does that make the mc? 
:
8 Likes
It’s a good story, keep it up!
Just one quick question - when the protagonist is announced that they’ll become a part of the party, after thery save one of the members, did you think about introducing some choices that would reflect what the player thinks about it? Because when I reached that part, it took me by surprise and I didn’t understand why this seemes like the natural course of action.
10 Likes
The Renegade
I don’t know but if we get to choose I would like for a thaum MC to be called a cannon.
8 Likes
Woah,that is interesting,wonder what’s their agenda. Should I be confrontational or be the evasive and trickster one? 
And about the Tumblr address,don’t worry about it,it’s because I really desperate,so I just looking manually,might as well trying to help others who cannot find it 
3 Likes
As someone that takes forever to decide on a name, I’d go to the fantasy name generator for one 
3 Likes
If we get reincarnated can they take away a limp? Or the other impairments?
10 Likes
Ah, I’m definitely conscious that the stats need a big rebalancing, thank you for pointing it out! I’m hoping to iron it all out by the second demo. It’s a bit hard to do it now since the stat-check-heavy scenes haven’t really been written in.
Please do. Share my pain. Every time I wake up I think about this game and why the hell I’m doing this to myself. 
Ooh, it’s an interesting idea. I’ll see if I can seamlessly add the option to pick a title in the next demo! What I can say for sure though is that you’ll be able to pick a callsign at another point in the game, though it’s still somewhat far in the future.
Thanks for the feedback! Will definitely write something like this into the game for the next demo.
Unfortunately not! There is, however, a way that you can avoid getting the impairment entirely: by agreeing with Ilya’s plan during the encampment chapter. That benefit is offset by your free day becoming shorter, however, along with a couple of other variations.
19 Likes
Said cannon was fired after the supposed crime…
18 Likes
I know that but the KIDS =(
12 Likes
It is a hard choice, but I’m playing a bluntly, stoic MC so lying isn’t that important. We will have a large relationship increase for everyone, 10 % more fame so it isn’t that bad. I would say the benefits outweight the risks
11 Likes
I am obsessed with this! I can imagine the scenes playing out cinematically, ahhhhh <3
5 Likes
I love this story, and I’m already very attached to my MC :D. I think it’s really fascinating that (I’m assuming) a majority of this story takes place after the character had already been executed for a crime they didn’t commit, because that really offers such a span of emotions to delve into. Also it gives me such bittersweet feelings about the white fangs 
I love them but they’re gonna be the death of me…haha get it. Because—I’ll stop, I’ll stop.
All jokes aside I’ve really enjoyed this! All the characters are really interesting and although Myreille has not exactly put her best foot forward so far, I really like this idea of two adoptive siblings who have taken such incredibly diverging paths, and I can’t wait to see both 1. what caused it—we see her comforting us in a flashback, so obviously our relationship wasn’t always…like that. And 2. How this is affected after the MC dies. Speaking of death, this is just my personal opinion but I’m not furious at the whole murder thing. Granted this might be because I know the MC comes back, but I’ve outlined it a little bit (spoilers from Tumblr below)
Possible spoilers from reading the Tumblr
In the first devlog on Tumblr, it seems like two things that are true is that—
- Leon didn’t want this situation, and in fact would have been willing to bypass his justice system to smuggle MC out if they had repented/
- The MC, for whatever reason, is purposely playing the antagonist in this situation.
Thing number two is really what makes me a lot more sympathetic to him and the situation as a whole. I’m not gonna condone him burning us at the stake, because c’mon. This sucks, and my MC will be using the “once burned, twice shy”, just to mess with him. Just gonna be a little mean 
I’ll stop though, promise.
In all seriousness though we, are privy to information that Leon isn’t—namely that the MC is innocent, but pretending not to be? To everyone in Param except us, apparently, we did something really, really bad—enough to give us the moniker of “Demon” so uh. lmao, I’m not really holding out hope that we got jailed for public disobedience. Obviously my opinion on this could change if it’s along the lines of MC saying “I was framed by (xyz)” and Leon’s like “lalala can’t hear you over this fire for your trial-less execution”, but my guess is that there was evidence that MC did it (even though, ofc, they didn’t), and that the MC went along with it—willingly or unwillingly, I guess it doesn’t really matter bc, you know. It’s not the best situation, but from the point of view of other people, apparently the MC did something very heinous and confessed to it openly.
That’s mainly the gist of it, but again, I’ve really really loved reading this and am super excited to see what comes next! And this is a small note, but I actually really do appreciate that the MC can have a canon disability, aka the limp!
26 Likes
the writing for the WIP is phenomenal! I’m in love with the plot and characters already and check this forum literally everyday lol. Fantastic job to the writer and I can’t wait for more
13 Likes
I just wanted to compliment your amazing writing, author! Like others have echoed, your story is very immersive and you have a way with words. So far, my favourite character is definitely Ilya. She’s just so precious, and it’s great that’s she’s an RO. I will definitely be keeping an eye out on this IF.
11 Likes
I loved the demo !
I’ll definitely follow this work.
I only have something to say about the title : shouldn’t it be “resurrect” instead of “reborn” ? With all the asiats novels and webtoons about a MC beaing reborn, I really think “resurrect” is a better term. And for me who loves necromancy and dark arts in games I find it more appealing but hé. That’s just a thought.
6 Likes
I really like the story so far, the premise is interesting and the execution elevates it, I think. The pacing is great and the magic system is fun to read through. You managed to make the double flashbacks work which is impressive by itself haha. The worldbuilding was a little limited to me because of how a lot of it was compartmentalized between main story and status page homework but might be a matter of taste.
Some general considerations:
Possibly unfiltered spoilers
First, a bug: when spending time with Ilya after the encampment mission, following the “I’m not very good at it.” >> “I’m just glad it worked out.” >> “I’ll hold you to that.” or “Don’t mention it,” choice path, the scene where the two forget the preservatives and they have to salvage the dye repeats before and after the last choice (“I’ll hold you to that” or “Don’t mention it”). Only bug I found.
Now some general thoughts. About the outcomes of the rescue mission, I’m wondering why there are full rescue (as in, all children are rescued) possibilities for spiritism and thaum specialists, but not for alchemy and enchantment specialists. Alchemists don’t get any situation where they can be useful in the first place, and enchanters only get a best case scenario of partial rescue, even though I imagine a similar check to the thaum’s - where there are different outcomes for under 60, between 60 and 74 over 74 - could be made.
About personality meters. Somewhat often the personality types are atributed in a way that isn’t very intuitive or muddies their definition. For example, in the first encounter with the WF, the player is assigned some points towards noble if they join the fight because they “should help if at all possible” or pragmatic if they do it because they “will be the next target. Best collaborate while we still can”. I would argue, though, that both of these options are pragmatic, but the first is the pragmatic response to maximizing the safety of other people while the second is the pragmatic response to maximizing their own safety. So really, this is an altruism vs. self-preservation dicotomy.
Another example is when achieving a partial rescue outcome in the rescue mission and emotionally dealing with such outcome. Pragmatic if they feel “quiet resignation” and “[will] yourself to believe” that “Spending [your life] in guilt over factors outside your control is the height of foolishness”; noble if they feel “crippling guilt” and “mourn them […] as the silent room fills with your sobs”. This time, ‘noble’ stands for sympathetic, or emotional, and pragmatic stands for stoic and/or aloof.
Or when the saintess first talks to the protag, referring to their saving Ilya, they will answer “I see my reputation precedes me” if they lean to charming and “The stories do me too much credit, Saintess” if they lean to aloof. This contrast seems to be between expressing self-assertiveness or modesty, which seems very disconected to traits such as charming (which I’m assuming as meaning extroversion or sociability) and aloof (which I’m assuming as meaning emotionally distant or unsociable?). What I’m trying to argue is that the traits are already unclear as they are (specially noble; and I know you’re making in-game definitions for the terms which is great and will help clear things) but they also seem to change definitions at times. Am I making sense?
Now a coding tip that saves lives: Multireplace. That page has it all explained including a section specifically on how you can use it to implement singular they, but here’s an example just to drive the point home: this is your code now.
"I'm sure ${they}
*if (gender = "nonbinary")
don't
*goto mindtoo
*else
doesn't
*goto mindtoo
*label mindtoo
doesn't mind too much, Kavan. But[...]
Instead of doing this, like it’s shown in the Multireplace page, try making a ‘plural’ boolean (true/false variable) when first setting the player character’s pronouns (so for example ‘he’ and ‘she’ wouldn’t be plural, so ‘false’, while ‘they’ would be, so ‘true’) and applying like so:
"I'm sure ${they} @{plural don't|doesn't} mind too much, Kavan. But [...]
And booyah: a much shorter code. (By the way, Multireplace is also useful in the check in the previous scene of whether or not the MC had previously helped Ilya with the dye; the whole witchquote/witchquotez section. It’s already written so you may just leave it as it is, but if you want to change it but don’t see how, hit me up)
Oh yes, and the end stats. Here they be:
End stats
Name: Hel Arbolais
You are a young and gifted mage, with a particular talent in Enchantment.
You are a person posessing a stout build, with tan skin, brown eyes, and short brown hair.
MAGICAL ABILITIES
Alchemy: 60%
Enchantment: 84%
Thaum: 69%
Spiritism: 30%
OTHER ABILITIES
Charisma: 32%
Learning: 77%
Intrigue: 50%
PERSONALITY
Noble: 55% Pragmatic: 45%
Charming: 54% Aloof: 46%
PRESTIGE
Prestige: 37%
You are known as a mage of fearsome capabilities, every bit Leon's equal in combat aptitude.
The story is very engaging, the magic system is fun and the characters are neat, so best of luck with it from now on! For whatever it’s worth, I really like it.
15 Likes
My heart is seriously swelling right now. Thank you for taking the time to read this WIP and give such detailed feedback!
For the record, this is just one of the options available to the MC when interrogated by Leon. You can still beg for your life, or be evasive, but Leon won’t believe you unless you can explain the whole story–alas, because of one reason or the other, the MC can’t tell him details, can only insist on their innocence. And so they burn.
I am furiously taking note of everything under this cut.
I think the reason why the choices often have arbitrary impacts on the personality is because I was limited by only having two bars (which is all the permutations I could manage while juggling the story at the same time 
). I do plan to expand the personality bars in future editions of the demo, though right now the focus is more on advancing the story. QoL improvements like additional choices, additional stat bars, and possibly a genderflippable Eli are reserved for the demo edition I’m tentatively calling ver 2.5. Hopefully it can come out not long after 2.0. But you’ve definitely given me a lot to think about on that front, so thank you so much!
The reason for this is because I don’t want the schools of magic to become flavor texts for the same outcome, but a stat with genuinely meaningful consequences for the extent of what you can do with your magic. Of the four, alchemy is the school with the most utility outside of combat, and the least inside of it; and so in the encampment chapter, which has very battle-oriented checks, it will be the least useful. There will be future scenarios where alchemy is more useful than the other schools, though they haven’t been written in yet!
The encampment encounter is also designed so that you can get a decent outcome if you’ve got another school that is somewhat shored up. I’ll have to go back and check this again, but it should be the case that if you dump all the stat-raising choices (aside from picking Aunt Bess’s tome) into any one school other than Alchemy, you can still clear the stat check threshold of the associated choices, letting you walk away with five or six children alive. If that’s not the case yet, it will be in future demos!
In the full game, it should be impossible to achieve the perfect result from every stat check! There will be a buffer to the prestige system to offset this fact, letting you still max it out despite getting suboptimal results a couple of times.
You’ve certainly saved mine. Thank you so much!
19 Likes
The potential for puns…Leon is absolutely not going to hear the end of it.
MC: you set my heart on fire hahaha get it
Leon: yes
MC: but I guess you did give me a nice five minutes of flame huh?
Leon: -crying- please stop
MC: also I’m not coming back to work for some time, you know. Past incidents left me…burnt out.
57 Likes
Wow, you got me addicted to your story. It’s not many stories with mage protagonists that I get into, but your got me hooked from the start. Also, I really loved the names and lore of magic you put, the story told through flashback is interesting.
Something that got me confused is Ilya, is she related to Leon as well or is she just a noble? And is the story be all about those flashbacks or is there anything after that?
8 Likes