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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having the main character set as female, there are games and WIPs that are set as male so it’s only fair for there to be some that are female too.
I’ll be honest that I prefer having some choices (for example I liked the idea of a demon with a sweet singing voice before the update) but it doesn’t make sense for you to make a game like that if you hate doing it. I still love the fairytale feel of this game and look forward to seeing what you do with it :blush:

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I quite like it the demo is nice as well :3

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And we’ve got ourselves a smallish update here. You’re put in a position where you have to make an unclear choice between two new skills.

I think I’ve figured out how I want paths to work. As your character gains skills, relevant flags will be triggered. In this case the skills are between fencing and singing. Picking up fencing will increment the ‘warrior’ flag, and singing the ‘entertainer’ flag. Each has the potential to unlock their own paths.

There’s also a debug menu on the stats screen. right now it just shows a few different flag’s variable counts. Should be useful when I’m testing this thing out.

Thanks SteamShard! Hopefully this will turn out to be something pretty good eventually.

I still haven’t played that. I’ve heard it’s really great, but I just never got around to it.

As it turns out… the singing is back! Although, it doesn’t appear until later. So, now you can competently art and sing.

Thank you!

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I found it quite interesting how u get these new skills you talked about not wanting to spoil it for anyone so stop reading if u haven’t played thru urself yet.

Both parents just seem to press their own pasts upon you in an attempt to change the subject from your question. With your mother she’s pushing singing so you can have a nice husband (practical change of subject I guess especially with a little child) and your father presses fencing and no real reason is given just that he finds it important XD which in my experience with the two dads Ive had they both weren’t good at thinking on the fly when they were asked something shocking.

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Finally got a chance to play the update :,D
Its so cute. I love how flustered the father seems to get when he’s asked about it.
Like:

"Dad what’s a demon?"

…(；☉_☉) “Where…uh…where did you hear that from…?”

sweats profusely

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Breaks out into a smile from ear to ear.

“Why from lord Satan of course!” She says in a cheerful tone as she throws her hands up into the air.

On a serious note I’m quite excited to see what this new chapter brings… Time to read it I suppose xD well… When I have time… God damn university getting in the way of everything… Grumble grumble…

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I dont know how to feel about this. In a way, I like this way more than vampire house (or black book now) but in another way I’m a bit afraid it might take the same road as VH.

There is something about the character interaction I dont like. Just like vampire house I feel like its rather forced and it leave a bad taste to certain players. By forced I mean it look as if we dont have that much control of the character, what we as players think or want to do doesnt seem to matter.

For example, I understand that a child who never had friends and who is kept in isolation might be more anxious toward friendship and such, and once again its completely fine and normal, but we dont have the option to feel anything else. I for example didnt have a life full of friends and even now I am rather marginal, but I dont mind, it was alway like that and I cant relate with the character.

Being gender and name locked doesnt bother if we still have control of our character thoughts at at least a good degree, like sword of infinity for example. With nicole for example, we seem so desperate to have her as a friend that the character seem pathetic, wich once again some people clearly like (the comments only prove this) but for others its a real block, I dont want to spend a lot of time on a story with a main character I dont like and cant relate at all.

And I’m also afraid it might lead to extreme characters like if we decide not to be a kind hearted humanist, then we automaticaly become a monster with no heart because we dont have much choice over how the character feel.

And I know you said you wanted to make a story where we follow a character instead of being the character and its great and could lead to some interesting stuff, we rarely saw this here. But so far I still have that feeling like in vampire house where not only we had no choice or couldnt decide how we felt about hanging out with a group of racists (I guess vampires are a race by themselves) but neither did we have a choice about how we actualy felt toward vampires at all and actualy had us take place in an attack on a vampire home, but why would we do this?

After that I just wanted to ruin everybody because they were jerks, and somehow ended semi-romancing the vampire girl I hated.

Your writing is very good and I really dont want to hurt your feelings over this because writing can be hard and I would find it tragic that a writer stopped because of a critique but its what I feel toward your story and I would find it unfortunate to end up with the same feeling vampire house gave.

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Cyanide crits forum with wall of text for 4000 damage.

Paragraphs please :smile:

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English is not my first language and I am horrible with grammar. I dont even know where to make a paragraph outside of stories.

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I do agree that the emotions feel kinda forced on us. The bit with Nicole feels like it would have a choice to care or not, or if we have to care it would give us options to show why we care. Be it manipulation, actual longing for friends or something else entirely. Which would even improve the scene IMO.

Character does feel kinda pathetic (that bit is also a little frustrating) but it may have to do with me being an introvert and avoiding other kids when I was young. So ehh I can’t really understand why she’s begging for interaction so much.

Honestly up until the who to ask about demons bit we basically made no choices. I don’t want to seem rude, especially since I really like the idea and writing but… Any reason this is an interactive novel? If you want to tell your own story and retain full control of it you write a book, or a web serial those are really awesome too. I’d probably still read it anyways xD

I hope I don’t come off as rude, mean or anything since honestly I really do love the idea of this novel and hope to see it finished. Alas criticism is good… Well as long as this doesn’t turn into vampire house that was a mess, which given your own statement on the subject makes sense.

Then again if the story takes a turn towards more awesome that’d invalidade any criticism of the first part, for the most part.

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Everything I wanted to say but way better and shorter. Ignore my brick read this instead.

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No need to ignore your views. Just needs a few tweaks as we discussed via private message :smile:

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I wouldn’t worry that much about it. I understood you pretty well :smile:

I do understand where you’re coming from here. But, it’s just not the kind of story I’m trying to make here. A lot of people like having a lot of control over who their character is, and what motivates them.

But, giving that control runs counter to the narrative I’m trying to create.

This is always a major risk when doing something like this. In fact, it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen. Not everyone is going to like the angle I’m giving the story or the character. And, they may find the character entirely unrelatable, so much so that they can’t enjoy the story.

At the end of the day, making a more focused character, with more distinct branching paths requires certain trade-offs. And, I’m inclined to say this is one of them.

I wanted to make a story that starts with a lonely girl who’s cursed (or something). Some people aren’t going to like the way the character is played, or the direction the narrative is going.

I wouldn’t consider it a rude question.

And… I’m writing this is choicescript, because I do want to make a piece of interactive fiction. Just not one where you get a great deal of control over the main character. I’m willing to give control over where she eventually winds up, but not necessarily who she is.

I won’t lie… it probably won’t. The number of major choices present will likely remain minimal, though they should at least have some weight to them, if nothing else.

Its a linear-ish story that eventually branches off into other, smaller, linear-ish stories. The interactivity will be there, just maybe not as much as you’d like.

The possibility exists that this may simply turn out to not be your thing. The style itself may remain a major turnoff.

I do believe there’s an audience for this style of story telling. It won’t appeal to everyone. But, I think it will appeal to some.

Too late! :smiley:

I understood it, anyways.

…Possibly because of this?

Sweet, that’s another Character art for the collection.

I’m quite fond of them. (✿◠‿◠)

Also, funny.

Also funny.

Sorry school’s keeping you busy. Best of luck with your work!

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Aaaand we’ve got another update here. The story has a small divergence into two paths, though it will reunite later on, if my current plans hold together.

I’ve hit a rather odd bug where a choice won’t repeat itself during what’s supposed to be a loop. It’s just a situation where you can ask multiple questions, but the game only picks up on the choice once. Very odd.

So, fair warning, one of the scenes near the very end of the update is bugged.

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The update seems to start at the beginning of the new scene. I’ve hit restart several times and it always starts at the page beginning with She was in the clear, or at least, that’s what Sylvia hoped.

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Yeah for a second there I thought it was error on my part.

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Whoops! thanks for catching that. I left some last minute debug stuff in there.

Sorry about that. the update’s fixed now.

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Damn it Dad! To reward me for my honesty, you fire my one friend!?

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Doesn’t even reward said honesty the dumb lout! But then again demons are known to be deceivers. Why would we be honest?

You know knowing fencing sounds like it would be useful in combat. Then again original fencing, before it became electrified tag, was basically “Begginers guide to sword wielding” before you got some actual training… Ok the more I think about it the worse the idea of fighting sounds alas the place of fencing isn’t in actual combat but at least we got the footwork! Huzzah! (Damn it, I spoiled mybown fun right there >_>)On the other hand looking like a demon would probably get crazies worshipping you. Start a cult! This is the start of the glorious empire of Satan! Now that’s a way to kill both boredom and loneliness. Also a couple thousand people who just don’t understand. But nobody cares about them.

Would be quite silly not to use our appearance to our advantage once we grow up. Lotsa underground cults during those uneducated and not very scientific times anyways. I’m sure we can easily convince people that we are a messenger of Satan with our looks alone. Will probably never happen though, not in this story. However it’s very fun to think about.

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I like this game. Kind of reminds me of nightcrawler, and the way he “looks like a demon but isn’t one”.

(However, on a side note, if my character turns blue and develops the ability to teleport, I’d be fairly certain that I was in one of Marvel’s newer comics, which I like to call “Diversity Land”, because they would rather old characters be a different race and/or gender and go through the same shit than exercise creativity and develop new characters with new story lines.)

But fear not, your story is dangerously unique, and you don’t have to worry about become the equivalent of today’s marvel comics