5 of Swords (WIP)

Creating discord would probs be best option

Hey chief I got some spelling suggestions for ya my dude

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I would recommend the omission of “Somewhere deep in the woods at midnight”.
This could be done in a better way by simply mentioning how it is dark, or the moon is visible, in the first paragraph or so, since the clarification that we are in the woods has already been established by the fact that we are dashing through the woods. This is a super minor thing but it really bugged me.

Also I feel the sentence “Your horse is snorting heavily with every additional step its taking” could sound a bit better if it was simple “Your horse is snorting heavily with each step” maybe add an adjective between each and step like “Weary Step” or maybe “exhausted”.

Also you don’t really need a “The sun HAS set many hours ago” im pretty sure that “The sun set many hours ago” works too and again is just the s l i g h t e s t bit easier on the eyes. Actually with this you wouldn’t even need that moon or its dark shit I mentioned before since it establishes that it is night time.

And the only other thing im overtly bugged by is “you cant feel your fingers anymore, besides the numb throbbing from their lack of blood”.
This is probably fine but… I dunno something about this irks me. Maybe if you got rid of their?

Sorry if this all sounds nit picky as fuck but small edits like I suggested tend to help flow when reading or just encourage more advanced writing. In the end though these are just suggestions, do whatcha want.

Actually all the stuff I mentioned may be completely subjective who knows, probably. Do what ya want chief

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besides that the idea seems intriguing, I hope the voice of the character becomes customisable since it at least feels a bit static at the moment besides actual selections of actions.

Also I personally would enjoy more “Sleepy asshole” options, since I can relate to that.

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I would love to help, maybe not as a writing partner since I’m in my last year of university and don’t always have as much free time as I want, let alone to write and code, even tho I love doing it. I would however love to help you brainstorm, come up with ideas etc! So if you want, (and don’t mind that at some times I will not respond as quickly as other times) you can consider me interested.

That sucks code was my first language…

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