I can probably help test or edit this weekend if that would help anyone. Just making an offer!
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Ok sounds good… I have a few more hours today to tidy up my second batch if writing yesterday, will post later! I suppose we can see how far we get with this and then reflect on it… I won’t have much time in sat but flying Sunday towards Europe will give me quite some time!
I don’t dare look at anyone else’s until the three days are up. Too scary!
PS The robot bit in mind reads: "Your Lautusian robot, Hint, zooms up into the cockpit. “You called, Captain?” she says in her usual grating monotone. She’s not exactly the latest model, but she’s reliable and always polished to a mirror-shine. "
Utterly negotiable, of course.
I’ll absolutely take you up on that, HornHeadFan! In about 48 hours, I imagine.
Ok, then how about this? (to fit into my own story relating the Lautians, and how they built an Empire and then gradually gave independence to the races they conquered…
"Your Lautusian robot, Hint, zooms up into the cockpit. “You called, Captain?” she says in her usual grating monotone. She’s not exactly the latest model, built during the Lautusian post-Imperial phase, but she’s reliable and always polished to a mirror-shine. "
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And now back to coding my own bits of the story, but will use that point to modify slightly and try to integrate this into the story (somehow Hint will ask the MC whether its possible to accompany him/her onto the planet…)
Ok, I have added another big chunk of what I was doing onto the dropbox, debbuged it a bit also (many bugs before, seems to pass the test and broadly behave as intended, though I haven’t had that much time to run every path…)
Had another thought. Is this a “private” vessel and if so what is their job or mission staus (if any) or part of a centuralised “government” or similar run fleet (again any particular role?) Physical descriptions of Sam and Bargle? (Height, hair colour, hair length, eye colour, skin colour, build etc?) Any particular uniforms/clothing?
The vehicle was inherited from the MC’s father. It isn’t on any mission or anything (although that can be retrospectively added), just travelling and doing whatever seems like a good idea at the time. Earn some money here, spend it there, take a job here, buy spaceship parts there, etc.
Appearance-wise, whatever you like is fine.
I’ve only described Hint - she has an ability to hover, has retractable arms, and is polished to a mirror shine.
Samantha Foster, being female, must be sexily dressed, young, and attractive.
Jim Bargle is older.
Joe is average.
That’s all we have so far - whatever ends up contradicting will be fixed in edits.
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Aieeee!!! I just realised I have less than thirty hours remaining (in my time zone).
Gonna aim to get a working POJ (Piece Of Junk) before I go to sleep. It don’t have to be pretty…it just needs to have a beginning, middle and end.
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By midnight Sunday, do you mean the start or end of the day?
end of the day.
Should add up to 72 hours/3 full days.
Okay! I have a functioning (or so quicktest, randomtest, and a few manual play-throughs tell me) beginning.
Suggestions welcome, though no guarantees I will make changes before the three-day deadline!
Some notes:
-I think it’d make sense to go from here to doctor’s story en route to adrao’s story, so I ended mine with the MC saying they wanted to go to a planet with a bar.
-It’s easy in mine to get lots of flying stats and wealth. Reputation is harder.
-I called Samantha Foster “Miss Foster”. (If nothing else, it helps absent-minded readers to remember “oh, that one’s the girl”.)
I’m willing to change anything someone thinks needs changing. BUT try not to clutter this thread if possible - comment in the WIP thread or PM me with suggestions.
Email me your games at fellissimo@hotmail.com and I’ll add them to the same file.
Here it is!
http://dashingdon.com/play/Felicity/50s-scifi-collaboration-draft/mygame/
ok, just sent you my draft, not perfect but it works and passes quicktest and a couple of plays, though im too dead to work on it further…
cheering for those still writing on!
You can add this to yours. It’s very poorly done since I had a lot going on, and there’s a lot I had planned, but didn’t get to. Anyway, here it is. You can just add it your file.
My Startup:
*title Doctor’s scene: The Space Bat
*author Default
*scene_list
startup
part1
ending
deadmeat
*create name “”
*create reputation 50
*create wealth 50
*create curiosity 50
*create health 100
*create sameye “”
*create wep “”
*finish
Part I:
Chapter “x”: The Star Spawned Space-Bat of Siril One
*line_break
Part I
You and the crew have spent the last week staring at the stars, nothing left to do. You’ve heard your last adventure’s tale from three perspectives three times each, and now the ship is dead silent as it sails swiftly through the westbound asteroids named Siril One.
*line_break
“Captain!” shouts your bio-electric pilot.
“What is it, Hint?”
“It seems-” she starts when suddenly the whole cabin begins to shake!
“What in Xargest III?!” shouts a startled Jim Bargle, the Ship Mechanic and Engineer by trade.
“What was that, Samantha?” you ask your science officer.
“I sounded like some sort of breach! Perhaps towards the back of the ship,” she responds quickly.
“Or in the fuel tank,” says Hint, the bio-electric pilot.
“Jumping Jupitarians!” exclaims Jim Bargle, the Ship Mechanic and Engineer by trade. “Why do you suspect that, Hint?”
“Because, Jim Bargle - Ship Mechanic and Engineer by trade, we are out of fuel,” says Hint, the bio-electric pilot.
“I suspect that is what you were trying to tell me when that -unsettling- ship quake happened,” you state.
*if gender = “male”
“Yes, you are correct, Captain !{name}, the Earthman captain" says Hint, the bio-electric pilot.
*if gender = "female"
"Yes, you are correct, Captain !{name}, the Earthman female” says Hint, the bio-electric pilot.
*if gender = “other”
“Yes, you are correct, Captain $!{name}, the unidentified genderless alien species” says Hint, the bio-electric pilot.
“Then perhaps we should investigate the fuel tank,” you say.
“That’s a wonderful idea, Captain!” says Samantha Foster, the science officer.
“Hint, put her in cruise control. All five of us should go there together and leave the cabin completely empty incase something goes wrong!”
“I always knew you were the right {gender} for the job, captain !{name}.,” says Hint, the bio-electric pilot “I never would have come to that effecient a command dispite my years of piloting, and extensive programed knowledge. It takes real leadership skill to make such key decisions!”
“Thanks, Hint. Joe, why do you have that vortex minipulator?”
“Because, Captain,” says Joe, a crew member with no real assigned duty, “if a vortex is responcible for this strange occurance, we should be ready for it.”
“Gee, Joe, I never considered that.” You say. “It sure is a good thing you’re here with us!”
The five of you then simultaniously stand from your comfortable swivel chairs and speed walk down the hall.
*page_break
The five of you arrive at the fuel tank.
“It seems we’ve arrived at the fuel tank,” You say.
The five of you simultaniously stop speed walking.
*label fueltank1
*choice
#Investigate the Fuel Tank
There seems to be a gigantic hole in the visible side of the Fueltank, revealing a gigantic hole in the exterior of the tank, revealing the vast emptiness of space.
*label fueltank2
*fake_choice
#ask Jim Bargle, the ship mechanic and engineer by trade,'s opinion
“It’ll take more than duct tape to fix this, Captain,” says Jim Bargle.
*goto fueltank2
#ask Samanta Foster, the science officer,'s opinion
“It’s breeched subjecting us to open space” says Samantha Foster.
"I'm not familiar with the effects that can have on us. Can you eleborate?" You ask.
"Not many people are, Captain." She says. "Within the next few minutes, we will experience weightless-ness. Soon after that, we could grow sick and possibly experince delusions. We should be completly fine though."
"Delusions?" you ask.
"Yes, from the heat. Much like the mirages on the desert planet Sphinxus. People dont know this, but it's actually -455 degrees farenheight out in space."
"Isn't that cold though?" asks Joe
"Only on Earth. When compared to every other temperature in existance, it's like it's well over 1300 degrees farnheight." she says.
"That's hot enought to fry a pancake in 3.5 miliseconds!" Jim cuts in.
"That's exactly what I was thinking, Jim." You say. "Thanks, Samantha. This all makes a lot more sense now."
"No problem, Captain."
*goto fueltank2
#ask model:Hint make:Lautus, the bio-electric pilot,'s opinion
“It is completely empty, Captain $!{name}, but we may be able to run on fumes for another 3 light years or so.” she states.
*goto fueltank2
#ask Joe Josephson, the average crew member,'s opinion
“If you position you hands right in front of on of those stars out there, you can make shadow puppets.” says Joe.
"That's good to know, Joe."
*goto fueltank2
#ask your own opinion
‘I wonder how long until luch break’ you think to yourself.
*goto fueltank2
#done
*goto fueltank1
#Continue
*goto next
*label next
“I think we should find whatever caused this, and if I’m correct, it might just be right behind us!” you say.
The five of you simultaniously shimmy clockwise in a circle until your all facing the opposite direction.
Before the five of you stands a huge space bat! It seems to have clawed it’s way into the ship to look for shelter from painful cosmic rays.
“It seems to have clawed it’s way in to the ship looking for shelter from uncomfortable gamma radiation!” you say.
“Gamma radiation is a myth,” says Samantha Foster, “you of all people should know that, Captain.”
“Then perhaps cosmic rays drove it inside!” You say.
“I could have told you that!” exclaims Samantha.
“How do we know it’s not one of those Space mirages?” asks Jim Bargle.
“Well, Jim; for one, we haven’t yet felt the weightless-ness Samantha described. Secondly, my hand doesn’t faze through it when I go to touch it,” you say pushing your hand up into it’s slimy snout for a moment.
“Besides, space bats are a common occurance in this side of the galaxy, as I’m told.”
The space bat unfolds its paper-mache wings and growls loudly.
“Quick!” you say. “Set your lazer pistols to ‘photon’ and blast it!”
You quickly unholster your pistol and fire. The photon blast bounces from its impenitrable hide and hides Samantha Foster in the face. She falls to the ground, but shows no sign of injury whatsoever.
“My eyes!” she yelps.
“Are you hurt?” you question.
“I’m blind! Save me captain!”
Will the crew survive? Will Samantha regain her eyesight? Why is Joe even a member of the crew? Some of these questions and more will be answered next time!
*goto_scene part2
Part II:
Chapter “x”: The Star Spawned Space-Bat of Siril One
*line_break
Part II
Last time: Captain $!{name} and the crew has discovered a giant space bat which ate it’s way in through the fuel tank, subjecting the interior of the ship to the effects of deep space in the process. Samantha Foster, the half-dressed beauty and science officer has found herself blind due to a photon blast bouncing off the bothemith’s hide.
Samantha lies at your feet, covering her eyes with the back of her left hand. The space bat begins to charge towards you.
“What now, Captain?” asks Joe Johnson, frantically.
“Well, Joe,” you start, calmly as ever, “We’ll run to shelter for the moment, one of our unused utility closets will due, at reconsider our next move.”
“But what about Samantha Foster, Captain?” asks Jim Bargle. “With her extra weight, we’ll never make it to the utility closet in time!”
“Just trust me, Jim, and move on my word.” You say.
You wait for a moment as the space bat draws nearer, then-!!
“Look, Jim!” exclaims Joe Johnson. “It’s Miss Foster! She’s- she’s floating!”
“It’s not just Samantha, Joe” you start. “It’s all of us!”
“That’s right!” says Jim, now understanding your plan. “The first symptom of exposure to deep space: weightlessness!”
“Right, Jim. Now we can just SWIM her to the utility closet!” You state, feeling good about your leadership skills.
The three of you grab Samantha Foster and swim towards the closet while Hint wstays grounded and walks, due to her extreme weight.
“How did you know we’d be faster than the bat in zero-gravity, Captain?” asks Jim Bargle.
“Well, Jim,” you say “have you ever seen a bat in water? They can’t swim at all!”
“Now, what are we going to do about Samantha Foster?” ask Joe.
“I have a plan.” You say.
*fake_choice
#talk to Samantha
“Samantha!” you say. “Can you here me?”
“Yes, Captain”
“Do you have any idea’s on how to save your vision?”
“Yes! Have you ever heard of Laser Eye Surgery?”
“No? What is it?”
“It’s basically fixing someone’s eyesight with lasers”
“Okay, I’ve got it from there.”
You take your Lazer Gun, and set it to ‘laser’, then fire into her left eye.
“It’s working, Captain! I can see through my left eye!”
You fire into her right eye!
“I can see again!”
“It’s good to have you back, Samantha.”
*set sameye ‘1’
#improvise
You pour a glass of whiskey over her eyes. “This should sterilize them.”
“EEEEEGGGH!” She shrieks. “No, stop! My eyesight will probably return in time.”
“Okay, now we can turn our attention to the space beast.” You say
*choice
#Look around the closet
*choice
#Grab a mop
*set wep “mop”
*goto fight
#Grab a flame thrower
*set wep “flame”
*goto fight
#Grab a half unconscious Samantha Foster
*set wep “sam”
*goto fight
*if wep = “mop”
You charge out of the Utility closet ignoring various hallucinations (the second symptom of deep space) and swing your mop at the bat.
The Bat eats you in one bite, despite your amazing weapon.
*ending
*if wep = “flame”
You charge out of the closet with your flame thrower, you always knew it was a good idea to keep it in there, and spray the great beast. It flees the way it entered leaving your crew forever. Maybe.
*if wep = “sam”
You throw her with all your force at the beast. Terrified by your confidence, the bat leaves the way it came, never to cross your path again. maybe. You hope Samantha didn’t hit her head too hard.
A few hours later, repairs have been made and you continue your course.
“What an amazing adventure!” exclaims Joe.
*if wep = “sam”
“I liked the plant one better,” she says rubbing her head.
“How’re your eyes, Samantha?” You ask
*if sameye = “1”
“Much better, Captain.”
*if sameye = “2”
“Still hurt, Captain. But I’ll make do.”
“Well crew, at ease for the night.” You say at return to your sleep quarter.
*if sameye = “1”
*if wep != “sam”
You sit on the end of your bed thinking about your last two missions, when your door creaks open. You look up and see Samantha standing in the doorway.
“Samantha?” You say.
“Just wanted to thank you for today. You may have saved my vision.” She says.
“No problem, Miss Foster. Just doing my job” You say with a smirk.
*ending
I hope all the indents transferred right.
That … half worked
Tada!! Here it is in all its dubious glory: a fully functional, debugged game!!!
http://dashingdon.com/play/Felicity/latest-50s-scifi-spectacular/mygame/
Okay, the indents didn’t transfer well, and I automatically changed things to tabs before realising some were spaces. Sorry, doctor. Also I think some are in the wrong places, so extra sorry about that.
Let me know what I’ve “fixed” wrong, and I’ll change it.
Not surprisingly, the finished result is a shambling mess. But both adrao and doctor made me laugh out loud, and I can see the greatness of the writing easily. If it’s all right with you two, I’d like to keep this version of an example of what CAN be done in 3 days… but I definitely wouldn’t leave it this way 
I imagine we’ll all have a nice lie down for a bit, read each others’ stories, and do some editing of our own work (listening to any suggestions we’ve gathered by then). When people-who-are-not-me are ready, I’ll do an “official” edit to whatever degree people like.
You got it running? Badass!
You’ve got the chunk of mine where you fight the beast (choose between the mop, flamethrower, and samantha) missing, presumably stuck behind an uncharted ‘space’, and a few dialogue texts are mushed together (forgot an ‘enter’ or two), but other then that it’s a well oiled frankenstein monster.
Just read it all through, and I actually enjoyed it! (though the bit about fighting the bat was puzzling, glad that it was a bug and can get fixed). Personally I would love to polish it, add a few more chapters with it (we need a climax, etc) and eventually make it into a full story, though of course we would need to edit it and somehow unify the style (I can see that there are some differences between how each of us see each character, though all this could be easily ironed out!).
Anyway, I think its a nice little piece, and thanks to Felicity for organising so far!